This column is dedicated to the most obscure, weirdest, bizarre, unusual, weirdest, and possibly (if you're inclined) the grossest things out there in the culinary world. These are the foods that separate the men from the boys, and the women from the girls.
There are countless things out there that other cultures count as "food". What they're eating and the culture where it comes from, as how it could possibly considered as food is all a question of relativity.
My mission is to drag you kicking and screaming out of your culinary comfort zone.
Are you eating something right now? If so, I suggest you either finish what you're eating, or put it away. If you're brave enough, keep reading!
I also happen to be an ugly person, so it's only proper and fitting that I punish myself for eating such unattractive/unsavory food! Now enough of my rambling, let's get on with our first featured item!"
Photo Credits: by celestehodges, from Flickr
Tonight's Menu: Marmite!
The English really are a weird bunch. Aside from their usual pies, the Fish & Chips, and myriad selections of beer, the English have decided to whip out this stuff. And they've been eating it since the 19th century. It's one of the many things that defines the Brits, alongside Doctor Who, driving on the left, fish & chips, red telephone boxes, Big Ben, and football hooligans. It's one of the things that bring the English, Scots, Welsh, and Northern Irish together, when they're not fighting against each other.
But, you can't be on the fence about this stuff. This is something that the Brits (and the Irish) actively disagree on. It has a taste so divisive, it's probably enough to cause a perfectly happy married couple to file for divorce. Its taste is so strong enough that being a fan could cause you to possibly lose friendships, and possibly even your job.
It's such a common yet divisive food item, and so strong in flavor, that advertising companies play on the divisiveness. Hence, its common advertising slogan: "You either love it or hate it."
Paddington Bear is clearly a fan....
...while this poor mug isn't.
But then again, the Brits have been eating this stuff since Queen Victoria. At least Unilever has to be doing something right. Right?
But, What is Marmite exactly?
Marmtie is a gooey yeast extract (it even says so on the label!), that you can spread on toast like a savory jam, or could be used as a broth for soups and stews. It's completely vegetarian, so you need not lose sleep eating this stuff, if you are so inclined. Yes, it's made of yeast. You know, the stuff you use to rise bread dough, and the stuff you use to make beer. You're eating the extract of fungus.
Basically, you're eating the leftovers of beer brewing. More specifically, the dregs at the bottom of the barrel, after the brewers have finished their work. If you live in the UK, it comes in many seasonal and different varieties, and at one point, there was a Guinness flavoured version of the stuff.I wanted to try out this uniquely English phenomenon (I have a weird fascination with English culture.) for myself, so I decided to pay the imports section at my local Wegmans a visit. You should be able to find this at any grocer that has imported goods, or any fine food shops. Whether this item can be considered 'fine' food is a matter of subjectivity.
But what does it actually taste like?
I open the lid, and sniff.
.....and surprisingly I'm not taken aback. In fact, I find the smell somewhat comforting and reminiscent of all those greasy fast food carts I would wander in Manhattan on a bad hangover. (WARNING: Your experience may vary.)
It smells like salty vinegar mixed with leftover kitchen grease. I spin my butter knife around in the jar, and it even has the consistency of grease. When I pull the butter knife out, the gooey, greasy Marmite sticks to the knife like a lung that's consumed one cigarette too many. It's dark greasy brown, and has small bits of black and brown specks on the goo. I suppose if I were really desperate, I could use this as a sort of makeshift buffing compound. Or I can do a MacGyver oil change with this stuff.
I spread the stuff on some multigrain toast. I try to spread it on my toast, but the gooey stuff is showing some stubborn sticky resistance, so I have to keep adding more of the Marmite spread to get it on my toast. It takes me about 30 seconds to actually have an even spread on my toast.
When I'm done, I glance at my plate. At first look, it seems like I'm about to eat something that's meant for my car, not my mouth.
I then proceed to eat the toast. Moment of truth. I give it a very good and thorough chew. And it tastes like nothing I've ever had before. And I've had stronger stuff than this.
There is definitely the taste of beer, after all, this stuff is a by-product of the brewing proccess. But seconds later, it morphs into a yeasty sort of taste, and interestingly enough, when the toast slides down to the rearmost sides of my tongue, it tastes almost exactly like beef broth. It reminds me this one time where I overboiled a beef bouillon cube in a pan, and got this sticky black stuff on it, and, deciding not to put the thing to waste, ate it with toast. It tasted like that, except with a slight beer flavor. Other than this, I can objectively say the stuff is EXTREMELY salty.
All in all, I can't say I LOVE the stuff, but if I found it on my plate, or visited Liverpool one day to watch my favourite football team, and ended up in a pub, I'd probably order a side of toast with this stuff. But I can't say I'd go out of my way again to actually buy it. Not unless the Brits decide to export the other varieties of Marmite. I'm sort of itching to get my hands on the Guinness variety, but I don't think it's even made anymore. If they make a Bass Pale Ale version, I'll be happy to give Marmite another go.
As I've said earlier, they come in different varieties, and Unilever even releases seasonal varieties. I learned they made a Queen's Jubilee version of the stuff on the Wikipedia page. Apparently, the Australians and New Zealanders are also fans of the stuff, only the Australians have their own formula for it, and they call it Vegemite.
I give Marmite a 3 out of 5.
Have you tried this stuff? What do you think? Leave any comments, questions, or suggestions, if you have any, for the next item on the weekly menu.
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